Are you sure there wasn't a full moon today?

Today was a bit on the crazy side. Work was crazy. People were calling and calling and emailing and emailing and it was just a little bonkers. It started out so nicely, but then quickly snowballed. Yay. I had been planning on going to the gym (there is a 20 minute abs class in the gym at work on Tuesdays and Fridays that I get to go to every once in a while) but didn't make it. Realized that I am just not disciplined enough to make myself, my health, my muscles, my physical and mental well-being, a priority, and so that got me upset and really disappointed in myself. Yay.

It also got me upset and disappointed today when I was talking to my sister. I love my sister. I always have. As a kid she was my role model, my... idol? Well, maybe I won't go that far, but I definitely looked up to her and used her as an example of what an adult person (she was always an adult for me, as I really don't remember her much before she was of driving age) should be like. As a kid I would sneak into her room when she wasn't home and would put on her clothes, her shoes - until I grew out of them - played with her make-up, and wished and hoped that I could be her. She seemed so cool to me. She still does. Because in many ways I still look up to her. She is still my role model. Which is good, because she should be a role model. She's smart, ambitious, witty, beautiful, a good mother, and someone who, despite her fears, has been moving to quell the Sheridan restlessness that plagues us all in the pit of our stomachs.

But she told me today, in not so many words, that she doesn't think that I should move to quell mine. I am sure that she meant it in the best of ways, as someone who is going through a difficult time warns someone who may be headed in that difficult direction, but it really wasn't what I wanted to hear. It is no secret that I am not truly satisfied at my current job, that something very untouchable to me at this point feels like it's missing, and I am moving towards trying to touch it. Trying to figure it out and trying to quell that restlessness. I guess I was hoping that, like my sister, pursuing a different career path would do the trick, but it doesn't seem to be doing the trick for her, at least not yet, so now I have to wonder if it would do the trick for me. If I pursued my interest in geriatrics, would I feel peaceful? If I devoted my professional life to early childhood education, or social services, would my mind be a little less active? I was really hoping so, but maybe not. I can't give up that dream, though. I'll have to try something, because that untouchable "thing" has become extremely distracting, and I need to regain focus.

One way I can quiet my active mind is to get out of the house. To do things. To see people and places and be in the world. Doug and I were in the world the weekend of Nate and Katie's wedding. Not only was it good to see family, but it was good to be reminded about things that matter (like family, and marriage, and the happy things in life). And then on Sunday, Doug and I spent the day on Cape Cod, looking at the ocean and waves, walking in the sand, and driving through the little towns that dot the Cape. Here are a few photos from the trip: All of this made me long to live on the Cape. The damp, salty air, the dry, sandy soil, the scrubby trees and the beach roses... and the cedar-shingle homes. Cape Cod! Quiet three seasons out of four, peaceful, healthy. But what would I do there? How could I afford to live there? How would we survive the in-season crowds? There, my mind is active again. Didn't take too long. I'm always looking for something to make it quiet, and what I find works for a few hours, a day or two even, and then... welcome back to that old feeling. That old restless feeling. So familiar, so hard to shake. But I have to try. Have to continue giving it the old college try. Or else I'll go insane. And I'm sure my sister's feeling will be quieted a little once she's out of school and moved on from the never-ending busyness that her life has become. I have to have faith.

Perhaps a trip to Monroe this weekend is what I need to quiet things a bit. I should stay active. Staying active is key. If I move my body a lot then my mind can't get lost in its thoughts. Exercise would help, too. Exercise has helped in the past. Maybe it's time to really and seriously take up running.