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Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Year's reflecting.

Last post was about Christmas reflecting; this one will be about New Year's reflecting, all done from our hotel room in Washington D.C., since that's where we are right now. We're having a great time, by the way, so don't think that I'm spending all of my time in the hotel room on the Internet. I'm just putzing around on the computer, checking email, looking at things to do today, while Doug still slumbers. Ahh, to have that kind of internal clock. Some days it would be nice!

Before writing this blog, I was laying in bed thinking about what I would write if I were to write a New Year's blog, and now I a) can't remember any of it, and b) don't know if I want to write about it, anyway. I find that most of what I write here gets a little too personal. Shows a little too much of the inner workings of my mind. Most of the time I throw caution to the wind and figure that if people are going to read my blog they should know who I really am, warts and worries and all, but I don't know if what I write really and truly reflects all of me. I adopt a persona on my blog - well, one of two personas. I am either this happy and chirpy "life is great" kind of person, which sometimes I am, or this reflective and somewhat depressing "life sucks" kind of person, which sometimes I am, too. And sometimes I am neither of those kind of people. And sometimes I am both kinds at the same time, and often am somewhere between the two. If you tone down whatever I write by a couple of shades, that might be closer to who I really am and what I'm really feeling. But not all the time. This is getting complicated.

However, in an effort to be more truthful and to live more in line with my values and priorities (again, see previous post on reflecting for more context), I'll post a few things that I've been reflecting on from the past year, and a few things that I imagine I'll be reflecting on in the coming year, and I'll write it all straight from my gut as my gut is right now in this moment. Oh, you lucky reader! :-)

Reflections on 2009


2009 was another year for great change. 2008 saw our marriage, the purchase of our first home, Doug's job change. 2009 saw my job change, Doug's re-design, and our adjustment to being homeowners. There was just so much in 2009. So much going on.

2009 was a year that for me was spent living too much in my head. Sure, I did a lot, and accomplished a lot, and experienced a lot of change, but at the expense of living more in the external world. My mind was a bit constipated this year. I dealt with the change I experienced at work and personally completely internally (though at times those thoughts spilled out onto my blog), ruminating, over-analyzing, doing mental gymnastics. Should I do this or should I do that, should I have done this or should I have done that. And then, what I actually did do (the external-world part) always felt wrong, incomplete, not what I really wanted to do. Really not a very healthy or freeing mental state to be in.

2009 was a year for reflection, which goes along with my thoughts above. I gave a lot of thought this year to how my life was maybe not going in the direction I wanted it to go in, and started to think about what I would have to do to change that, or what direction I do want my life to go in. But note that I've only started this process. It will continue. It's a lot to think about.

And, of course, 2009 was also a year of so many positive things. Celebrating life's milestones with such good friends, relaxing around a quiet lake with friends, seeing friends have such beautiful babies and seeing those babies begin to grow up, to become wonderful little people. We also spent some great times with family. My family visited Dedham/Boston a few times and we had some great family band moments. We spent a few weekends with Doug's family and tried to make connections there. And Doug connected with some extended family on Facebook. These were all good things. Very good things.

Beginning to Reflect on 2010


So what do I want for 2010? More of the same from 2009? Yes, I would love for some of the feelings and actions of 2009 to continue into 2010. The positive things. The foundations we've started to build. These are things I still want for 2010. But, naturally, I want other things for 2010, too. Such as more action, quicker thinking (or maybe less of it, less of the debilitating kind), more self-discipline, more focus on the priorities and goals that Doug and I have made for ourselves, more time with my cats, more expression of emotion both verbally and physically (like learning to give people hugs when I see them or leave them, because inside I want to hug people but my wants in this way, out of habit, don't materialize into action), more awareness of how I am acting and how I am being perceived, and more enjoyment of everything. Yes, more joy. There are so many good things that happen each and every day, and I want to focus more on those things and less on the other stuff that just gets in the way.

Is this a tall order for 2010? A bit. But it's all possible, and all of it, with a little focus, discipline, and energy, is probable. And to kick things off one day early, I'm going to start all of this by picking out a few things to see today, such as the Jefferson Library at the Library of Congress, the American History museum, and National Archives rotunda, and then not get upset if things don't go according to plan. Now, if only I could get my husband to get out of bed we could close 2009 out with a really impressive slew of positive action!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Christmas reflecting.

Though at Thanksgiving I reflect a bit about what I'm thankful for, for the most part my primary goal is to stuff myself full of all the wonderful food that's around me that day. Christmas, however, is the holiday that gets me to thinking about my priorities, my goals, how I spent my last year and how I want to spend the upcoming year. I think about the good, the bad, and all that's in-between. I think it's because Christmas always sneaks up on me in a way that as a kid I never thought would be possible, and I'm always a little peeved that I didn't have more time to prepare. Or really, to celebrate. Didn't see any carol performances, didn't go to midnight mass to hear the music and smell the incense, didn't bake cookies, didn't carefully pick out the perfect gifts for people, didn't spend as much time wrapping as I would have liked to make the packages really shine. You know, that kind of thing. Gee, it sounds like my Christmases are now filled mostly with regrets.

However, that's not really true. By far, my thoughts are positive around Christmas, or at least get me to move in a positive direction. At Christmas, all I want to do is see family and friends, to hang out, to give gifts (but actually don't care to receive them. Getting gifts is nice, of course, but I don't want stuff. At Christmas, what I really want is human contact and emotional intimacy with those I care about the most), and to enjoy the lights, the trees, and the music. Really. And for the most part, this happens each year. This year included.

We spent a day in Monroe. We saw Doug's Grandfather and gave him a digital photo frame so that he can have a piece of Dedham in his home each day. We saw Doug's parents, whom we also gave a digital photo frame, loaded with 120 photos of us, the cats, the house, our friends... hopefully it will make them feel more connected to our world (as long as they can figure out how to use it).

We then spent a day in East Hartford. We spent quality time with my family - my mom and Tyrone my father my sister's family and my great-aunts, who despite a trying month were in good spirits for the holiday.

We also spent some time in our own home, in Dedham. We actually spent some time in our own home on Christmas Eve. It was lovely. The cats gave Doug a sweater and some random cat named Mr. Peepers gave me a gift card. It was so wonderful being in Dedham and celebrating around our own tree. Meg liked us being there, and so did the other cats, though Wyatt was non-plussed by Bret and Jemaine.

Now the Christmas reflecting can really begin. Are my priorities in order? Is my primary relationship being nurtured and cared for properly? Am I making decisions that allow me to be the best version of myself? Am I applying enough discipline in my life to bring me towards a common goal? Maybe this year I'm thinking more about things because I happened to stumble upon a great book called The Seven Levels of Intimacy, which if you can put aside your cynicism for a while is actually a very informative and useful book (and by "you" I mean me, of course). I knew a lot of the stuff that this book is trying to tell me already, but somehow reading it, and reading it at this time of year, makes it all click. The light bulbs go off and I am reminded that I've gotten a little off-track. That's the good thing about Christmas. Even if I know I didn't get to do all the things I wanted to do, I have hope that the next one will be better, and I can look forward to a year of getting back on track. I have hope that in 2010 I will steer this ship a little more towards my priorities and will not let the wind blow me off my charted course.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Ho, ho, ho!

Sunday was a pretty quiet day here in Dead-ham. We woke up to still-blizzarding conditions (you know, the tiny little flakes of snow blowing almost horizontally, and you wonder how this type of snow could even accumulate the wind is blowing so fast), which was great for me because I had a day-long date with a few Excel spreadsheets and didn't mind being housebound. This was how I spent the vast majority of my day (though I did add more layers as the day went on, because you really don't burn calories and generate heat tap, tap, tapping on a keyboard):

Doug's day was a little bit more exciting. After making me pumpkin pancakes (I really did catch myself a winner with him), he spent a lot of the day catching up on chores and bonding with the cats, who we've been sorely neglecting while the budget's been happening and while the website was in severe re-design lock-down mode. Sasha and Doug found new ways to connect throughout the day:
But don't think that it was only Sasha who got in on Doug's love - Meggie had her turn, too: I think that might be my favorite photo of Doug and Meg together. Probably because there are no other photos of Doug and Meg together, now that I think about it. Meg is a bit of a loner cat, unless she is desperate for some love. Then she comes and finds Doug and loves him on her own terms. She'd prefer him in the basement but will take him wherever she can get him, even if it's when he's napping on the couch. All the ladies love Doug, it seems (or at least the four-legged ladies). I should probably be jealous.

Once the snow finally stopped, Doug and I quickly shoveled our driveway, the steps, and carved out a place for our garbage cans for garbage night tonight. There was some wickedly cool pink sky as we were shoveling - only was there for a brief moment, but I got it on camera. I think that would be a great name for a band - Pink Sky at Night. (Reader: If you take that name and make it big, I expect a royalty!) And then, once inside, we were treated to a surprise visit from Santa Claus. He came a little early to Dedham this year, and actually it looks like he shrunk a bit and is decidedly less jolly than he is usually depicted. Nonetheless, this Santa wants to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, and so do we - from our house to yours, Merry Christmas!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Living for weekends.

I've decided that I live for weekends. Even the hectic nature of them seems easier to handle because... they're weekends. Friday night through Sunday night is our time to live.

This weekend we were still celebrating Doug's birthday (because even if one's actual birthday isn't much of a big deal around here, we try to spread out the birthday cheer a bit and keep the celebration open for a week or so to make up for it), and on Friday night we headed out to The Comedy Studio to have some laughs. We were joined by a great group of friends, whom we do not see often enough for sure, but who we were very glad to have had the pleasure to see that night. Curt and Marieke joined us as did Chris and Arlene Julie and Michael (whom I realize I still call Mike, and I hope he doesn't mind since now he goes mostly by Michael) Andy and Sarah and Chris and Leigh (of whom I unfortunately do not have a photo - my apologies!). Not only did Doug get great gifts from the aforementioned great friends, but he got to eat really disgusting Chinese food (a real treat for him for some reason) and was even called on stage during one of the comedy acts to be a stand-in President Obama. Seems like one of the comics there that night is giving a routine at some awards assembly in Washington D.C. in January and wanted to have someone come on stage and pretend to be Obama. Why this was necessary was beyond me, since all Doug did was sit on a stool in the background, and who knows if the comic is actually giving said routine in January, but at least Doug got to do a little performing on stage that night, complete with a round of audience applause.If the President's job is to sit on stage during somewhat bland comedy routines, smile and look interested, then I think Doug should be a shoe-in for the position. Vote for Doug!

On Saturday, to continue with the birthday celebrations (but also to see our good friends again and exchange Christmas gifties), we headed up to Maine. All is going so well in Maine, it seems. Stu and Lu are enjoying spending time with each other and Chris and Chris are getting lots of exercise walking their little bundle of cuteness around the house to try to lull her out of fussy periods and into peaceful slumber. Doug and I tried our hand at keeping Ruby entertained. Doug was pretty good at it: He's got these baby bouncing skills that neither one of us knew he had, and was eager to hold the baby. But who wouldn't be eager to hold her? She is truly adorable. Wiggly, warm, so good-natured... I mean, despite the fact that she really didn't sleep at all while we were there, she didn't scream at all and we never really heard a peep out of her. I'm sure there are times when she's not quite that angelic, but from what we could tell Chris and Chris are pros at the parenting already, and Ruby is one star of a baby.

I wish I had taken more photos of the new family, but I was a little asleep at the switch yesterday. I did get two pretty good shots with Ruby in them - I love girl Chris's facial expression in this one, especially in relation to Ruby's (someday Ruby will pose for the camera, too!): And this one is great - Chris and Chris gave Doug a T-shirt for his birthday; it says "I heart my Mini." Here, though, it says something along the lines of "I heart Ruby", which is very apropros! I am always very impressed with how warm and inviting Chris and Chris have made their home, and now with Ruby it's even more so. It's hard to make that trek back to Dedham after spending time there, so we hope not to let too much time pass between visits.

And now, Sunday... on to shoveling, as this was the view through the front door this morning: Weekends are definitely fun times.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Bedside birthday.

I went to bed last night in a pretty lousy mood and woke up today feeling just as lousy - my shoulders and heart very heavy with guilt for doing virtually nothing for Doug's birthday. It's not like one turns thirty-three every day. It should be celebrated, and it was woefully so not celebrated here in Dedham. Doug did get a gift to open from me (one that Wyatt loved gnawing on... it's ribbon time, one of Wyatt's favorite times of year - hours of fun with the how-much-cat-phlegm-can-the-ribbon-bring-up-out-of-Wyatt's-throat? game.), but it was a new pair of jeans, a new sweater, and a gift card. Useful and definitely nice, but not exciting.

So, to make up for being such a lame wife, I decided to do something a little more interesting tonight. I didn't go to Doug's show because I was at work doing the budget, but when I finally got home I did get into the car, stick the strange little key into the ignition, and press the start button to go out and grab something quick with which to celebrate Doug's special day. (And can I share how odd it is to be able to get into the car and go somewhere, on my own, without Doug having to be around to let me use the car? So freeing! And still so odd. What is this new life that I'm leading?) I picked up a cake at Whole Foods, a big Belgian beer with a ghost on the label, an iced tea, and a balloon. Because I know he won't be home from the show for at least another hour or so, I figured the best place to put these surprises would be on his bedside table... that way I'm guaranteed to be near him when he notices that, indeed, I did remember his birthday and do care enough to try to make it a little more special than a regular day. Plus, Wyatt's up there on the bed now, keeping Doug's gifts from yesterday warm. Maybe if he sees the peanut butter mousse cake, the drinks, the balloon, and the cute little mop of a cat all at once he'll forgive me for being so dull and preoccupied. Here's hoping!

Happy birthday, Stinks - hope you know I love you.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Oh yeah, it's your birthday.

2009 has not been the year for the birthday around here, and I can blame the budget. The budget threatened to ruin my 30th birthday (and almost succeeded), and now the budget is threatening to ruin Doug's birthday. Today is his birthday, actually. And I just got home from work. Of course, he's not here (he's at practice), but if he weren't at practice, and if he weren't doing his own crazy work project himself, the budget would have ruined his birthday, too, because there would have been no way that I could have celebrated tonight with him and then celebrated on Friday, too (which is when we're planning to celebrate, at The Comedy Studio). And don't ask me to re-type that sentence into shorter, more coherent sentences. I can't. Haven't the energy.

So yes, today is Doug's 33rd birthday. I sent him an e-card, wrote on his Facebook wall, and called him at work to wish him a happy birthday, but other than that I've done... zilch. There are no balloons, there is no cake, there is no banner. There are even no gifts yet. Well, no wrapped gifts. I have to do that after this. I told Doug that if I had it my way, we'd have spent the day under a blanket on the couch watching old movies, and I'd have even conceded and watched a silent film. But no, adult life has to take over, and so here we both are, being responsible. Overly so, with Doug going to practice like usual and me doing the budget until all hours in an effort to get my work done on time. Please. What are we going to be like when we actually are old? Just drive me to Shady Pines right now, please, and save me from the next fifty years of torture.

However, I know one little girl who is enjoying her birthday this year, and that's my youngest niece, Maria. She had a fantastic start to her birthday week by being in The Nutcracker, and we had the pleasure of seeing one of her performances this weekend. She was a bon-bon, one of the little dancing girls that come out of the Queen Bon-Bon's giant skirt, and she was just as good this year as last year. My sister says that she's getting nervous about being on stage, which means little Maria is growing up and becoming more aware. Sigh. I hope she never becomes as aware as the rest of us Sheridans, otherwise she will stop performing altogether, and I do not wish that on her.

Here's Mrs. Bon-Bon before she gave birth to twenty or so dancers.And here are all of her little dancing candies: My sister thinks that she was able to pick Maria out of the crowd, but I confess to not being able to spot her. I was too busy trying to capture the event on film:I don't know the age ranges of these little tykes, but they were just adorable.

Of course I may be biased, but I think the most adorable one was my niece, and another little girl even asked for her autograph! (Yes, that went straight to her head. Before this she was lamenting that she was "just" a bon-bon, and that she didn't have any important part in the show, and then after she gave her autograph she was just so pleased with herself. It's as if she were the Sugar Plum Fairy herself!) Maria posed with Clara and all the other characters from the ballet, but paused for a minute to take a photo with her old aunt and uncle:The way she's always posing just cracks me up. She really is meant for the stage.

So I hope that Maria is enjoying her birthday... even though I didn't send her a card. I told you this was the year that birthdays didn't happen in Dedham. It's as if we went into a year-long hibernation from fun.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

It's fun to be one!

Today we went to Ely's first birthday party, though regrettably (and rather rudely, though we had no real control over this) we were about two and a half hours late. We made it just in time to see Ely open his last few gifts (and from the looks of it, he got some nice stuff! He'll have fun playing with all of his new toys, I'm sure.), and also to be there for the birthday cake.

I don't remember turning one - I believe my first memories are from when I was in kindergarten, so I was, what, five or six? - but from the looks of it, being one is a lot of fun. Ely, though exhausted from all the excitement, took great joy in all of the people and toys. Perhaps his most favorite toy was the bunch of balloons just for him. Have you ever before seen a face this happy about balloons? The look on his face is priceless as he smacks the balloons back and forth in front of his face. And laughing to beat the band. What a cutie-pie.

And here's the cutie-pie wondering why he's sitting face to face with a monkey.It's because that's his cake! Can you believe it? What a masterpiece! It was made by his mommies. If I ever give birth, my child unfortunately will not have a cake like that - the talent and creativity needed to think it up, cook it up, and then decorate it, is more than this woman has.

So what has been going on around here in the way of fun? Well, I am managing to amuse myself at work each day with these two little guys: Chicken and Farmer Brown are rubber duckies that I got at a time-management workshop, and while I'm not sure how they're supposed to help me better manage my time, since I tend to zone out while staring at them, I do appreciate their ability to brighten my days. I also appreciate the ability of internet Christmas shopping to brighten my days. I've been busy: Here's the thing about internet Christmas shopping - it creates so much packaging waste, but it's so easy. And for people who are on limited time this holiday season, it's the only way to get it done. I do not have time for the mall, do not want to deal with crowds, and can take a quick break from the budget or another one of my work projects to make a purchase. And then I'm done! Amazing. I'd say 80% of the gifts Doug and I are giving this year will have been purchased from the Internet. Thank you, Internet, for making my Christmas dreams come true.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Hello spring... and winter!

Yesterday was a weird day. I woke up and decided to get a walk in before the day got going, both because I have been feeling slothful (having a bad head cold and laryngitis doesn't really put you in the exercising mood) and because I needed some fresh air. The morning was eerily quiet and gray, but slightly warm and the air was moist. Snow! It felt like snow. I took the walk and came back, only to notice as I was coming in the door these little guys: Buds on the lilac trees! How can there be snow if the trees think it's spring? About an hour later a light rain began to fall. Rain makes more sense in spring.

While I was doing some work (one of the reasons we could not go this year to the Perrino annual Christmas tree party) Doug set to putting up our Christmas tree - a blasphemy on all that I have held sacred about the holiday season for about thirty years. But a darn good-looking and convenient blasphemy, and one for which Doug has been pining for a while, so I caved. I have to admit that the glowing white tree looks very pretty when it's dark out. We'll just have to have the balsam candles burning constantly through the new year to get that real tree smell in the house, because unfortunately there is no fake balsam scent injected into the polyester limbs of this tree. But ever since Doug saw Chris and Chris's white tree he's been smitten, and the more time I spend looking at our tree, the more I can see why. It does create a bright spot in the house, and Doug likes it, the cats like it, and I don't have to water it or clean up its needles, which I will like, too. Tradition be gone for now, I guess. Time to make some new ones.

And maybe some new traditions are welcoming the first real winter snow in the pseudo-springtime, because last night as we were doing some quick Christmas shopping before a housewarming/house good-bye party at our friend Michael's house, it started to snow... and actually stick to the ground! Not only had I just seen buds on our lilac trees that morning, but the day before the temperatures were in the 50s, and the day before that the temperatures were just about 70 degrees during the day! It's hard to remember that warm day, though, when this morning it's about 30 degrees out and I'm looking at this: However, it is December, and I would much prefer a little snow cover to blooming trees - anything to alleviate my anxiety over the melting of the ice caps and the looming climate crisis. So, in this house we say to winter:

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Let's Mini.

It is no longer a secret, not that it ever was. But now that I made an official-unofficial announcement about the Mini, it may make sense to confirm that yes, indeed we do have a Mini Cooper, and that yes, we love it. It does feel odd to be so excited about a car, and it does not make me proud that I have this somewhat materialistic side, but the Mini is a lot of fun to drive and it is wicked cute. It gets super-great gas mileage, and it's got air-bags galore. It's pretty darn near perfect (though I do wish that it had even just a tiny middle seat in the back), and I'm glad we're finally sharing it with the world.

Doug and I had been thinking about getting a second car for a while, as there have quite a few times, now that we're more suburban, where having two cars would have been very convenient. Doug numerous times has had to turn down hanging out with his band friends because I needed/wanted the car for the day and his band friends didn't want to drive "all the way out to Dedham" (as if Cambridge were so far away) to pick him up and then drop him back off. The decision to get a Mini, however, was made overnight. We were thinking of another Subaru, a Fit, a Versa, anything that was small and fuel-efficient (which made the Subaru a little hard to come to grips with). We visited dealers and took a few test drives of other cars, but one night while talking about what other options we had I suggested the Mini. They're not as expensive as one might think, the base model does not require high-test gasoline, they are incredibly good on gas for an all-gas engine, and they're mini. Anything mini is just naturally appealing. So Doug and I headed up to Peabody and spent pretty much the whole day test-driving and getting more info. The fruit of that labor is sitting in our driveway right now.

We photo-documented the sale and pick-up of the car. It was such a better experience than our experiences at the Subaru dealer: the dealership itself, the inventory, and the staff working there. Here's Evans, our "motoring advisor," and here's Doug drinking some dealership coffee before he signs all the paperwork.

Here's Doug looking under the hood (isn't this what you're supposed to do when you buy a car? It's not as if we know what we're looking at, though I guess it's good to know that this car, like others, has a container for washer fluid and oil, the only two items under the hood that make sense to me), here's me getting into the car to drive it home, and here's Doug behind the wheel when it was his turn to drive it.

We've driven the car through Rhode Island, to Provincetown and back, and to and from Thanksgiving dinner in Connecticut, and we only put one tank of gas in the car. I find that to be amazing. I can't endorse this little thing enough, and we look forward to a lifetime of sipping.