Christmas reflecting.

Though at Thanksgiving I reflect a bit about what I'm thankful for, for the most part my primary goal is to stuff myself full of all the wonderful food that's around me that day. Christmas, however, is the holiday that gets me to thinking about my priorities, my goals, how I spent my last year and how I want to spend the upcoming year. I think about the good, the bad, and all that's in-between. I think it's because Christmas always sneaks up on me in a way that as a kid I never thought would be possible, and I'm always a little peeved that I didn't have more time to prepare. Or really, to celebrate. Didn't see any carol performances, didn't go to midnight mass to hear the music and smell the incense, didn't bake cookies, didn't carefully pick out the perfect gifts for people, didn't spend as much time wrapping as I would have liked to make the packages really shine. You know, that kind of thing. Gee, it sounds like my Christmases are now filled mostly with regrets.

However, that's not really true. By far, my thoughts are positive around Christmas, or at least get me to move in a positive direction. At Christmas, all I want to do is see family and friends, to hang out, to give gifts (but actually don't care to receive them. Getting gifts is nice, of course, but I don't want stuff. At Christmas, what I really want is human contact and emotional intimacy with those I care about the most), and to enjoy the lights, the trees, and the music. Really. And for the most part, this happens each year. This year included.

We spent a day in Monroe. We saw Doug's Grandfather and gave him a digital photo frame so that he can have a piece of Dedham in his home each day. We saw Doug's parents, whom we also gave a digital photo frame, loaded with 120 photos of us, the cats, the house, our friends... hopefully it will make them feel more connected to our world (as long as they can figure out how to use it).

We then spent a day in East Hartford. We spent quality time with my family - my mom and Tyrone my father my sister's family and my great-aunts, who despite a trying month were in good spirits for the holiday.

We also spent some time in our own home, in Dedham. We actually spent some time in our own home on Christmas Eve. It was lovely. The cats gave Doug a sweater and some random cat named Mr. Peepers gave me a gift card. It was so wonderful being in Dedham and celebrating around our own tree. Meg liked us being there, and so did the other cats, though Wyatt was non-plussed by Bret and Jemaine.

Now the Christmas reflecting can really begin. Are my priorities in order? Is my primary relationship being nurtured and cared for properly? Am I making decisions that allow me to be the best version of myself? Am I applying enough discipline in my life to bring me towards a common goal? Maybe this year I'm thinking more about things because I happened to stumble upon a great book called The Seven Levels of Intimacy, which if you can put aside your cynicism for a while is actually a very informative and useful book (and by "you" I mean me, of course). I knew a lot of the stuff that this book is trying to tell me already, but somehow reading it, and reading it at this time of year, makes it all click. The light bulbs go off and I am reminded that I've gotten a little off-track. That's the good thing about Christmas. Even if I know I didn't get to do all the things I wanted to do, I have hope that the next one will be better, and I can look forward to a year of getting back on track. I have hope that in 2010 I will steer this ship a little more towards my priorities and will not let the wind blow me off my charted course.