I'm blogging from bed because I can.

I really should be sleeping. My eyes hurt from looking at a computer screen all day, and I am getting a headache, but I can't bring myself to go to bed because I feel like I haven't done enough yet today, enough of what I want to do. Tomorrow night I want to come home and play around on the computer, getting to know the laptop while watching some Cash in the Attic and eating some more frozen food... but I won't be home until 8:30pm again. Hopefully I won't have to work from home, though, and the playing around on the computer that I do can be for fun and from the couch. We'll see. I can make no promises.

I was going through my Flickr account because I am thinking of upgrading to a pay account (but my blog essentially functions as Flickr, so not sure why I would, really) and found a cool photo from the Chris's wedding. Here, I'll attach it, even though it's probably giant-sized. They had such a fun wedding. So laid-back, yet classy at the same time. I really liked that wedding. Liked helping to set up, liked watching it, liked taking photos, liked dancing, liked the atmosphere, the company, the season, the warmth, the food, the music, the everything. I like weddings. This photoshoot down memory lane reminded me that I really like weddings. Not all weddings are as fun or as comfortable as that of Chris and Chris, but all are likable in some way. I enjoyed my own wedding, too, and thought it went by WAY too fast. Way too fast. In some ways I'm still recovering from the fact that it's over. For those 7 months of planning I had a purpose, a drive, a vision, a dream, a goal, and once we got back from Belgium my life has been sort-of going into the toilet. I exaggerate, of course, because I now live in a great house in a nice town right outside of Boston (though I think that I am allergic to the trees that surround the property) with a husband who is really too good to me, and with three cats who are on the whole very, very well-behaved (not to mention darned cute). We do do fun things on the weekends (when I'm not working) and we have very quickly created a very clean and organized domestic environment, but since the wedding I've allowed my life to be taken over by work such that I don't know how to focus on the non-work parts of my life. I neglect friends and family, including Doug and the cats. I neglect my personal interests, my physical health, and probably most importantly my mental well-being hangs by a very thin thread. On this I don't exaggerate.

Today I thought about volunteering. About how I would like to volunteer either at some kind of senior center or assisted living facility, because I actually like old people (they are the human equivalent of the storied wares on the Antiques Roadshow and/or Cash in the Attic), or at the Animal Rescue League in Dedham. I don't have a whole lot of time to volunteer, though. As it was I was working tonight until 11:15. I suppose I could volunteer on the weekends, but by the time the weekend comes I'm zapped of energy. Zonked. A regular zombie. Ask Doug. He gets so annoyed with me on the weekends because I just can't function quickly enough for him. It takes me at least a day to get back to being "me," by which time my weekend's virtually over.

I don't want to complain. And actually, I'm not really complaining. Just stating the facts. But please know that I realize that I am neglecting friends and friendships that do not deserve to be neglected, and that I've gotten so far outside of myself over these past months/last year that I pretty much have forgotten how to be friends with people. The phone? Dread it. Email? Don't mind it, but feel I don't have much to say so don't really utilize it. I work. That's what I do. When Doug tells me that I can't talk about work, that I have to find something else to talk about, I get angry because to me that means I can't talk. I am work and work is me. Again, not really complaining; just stating the hard, cold, depressing facts of my early married life.

It's time to go to bed. The later it gets the darker my mood becomes and trust me, that's not a good thing. I'll pet the cat and pet Doug and shut my eyes and hope to wake up tomorrow a little brighter.